_________________________________________________________
Prisoners
Speak
(For
this first issue we have collected excerpts from prisoners’ letters
to our volunteers, mostly concerning meditation practice
and the contemplative path. Many are expressions of appreciation.
The names are changed, but in all cases we have received
the prisoner’s permission to print his or her remarks. — Ed.)
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I feel that I have probably felt egolessness many times during
my lifetime, as we all have, but then this feeling is short-lived
because it creates a type
of vacuum that we can’t deal with, and our ego fills in the void once
again. This would have to be felt and experienced again and again over many
years (a lifetime, in fact) to lessen the grip the ego has over us, until egolessness
can be sustained in a more stable way. When we reach our limit [with that feeling
of vacuum], I think we feel an intense fear of losing our grip on what we perceive
as our sanity. Because of this fear, we create distractions or hide in things
like drugs or alcohol.
—PD,
serving a life sentence in Georgia
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I want to be honest and tell you that this place is so stressful,
that if it weren’t for the practice [of meditation] and you guys’ teaching,
I would have resorted to my bad old habits to leave here. And you know what’s
funny? This place isn’t stressful at all. “I” am making it that
way, and I know that....
Thank
you for the thoughtful, beautiful books you have sent. We enjoyed
them very much—and please express my gratitude to all
the volunteers for helping us/me all to experience the joy
of the Dharma...Please tell Ringu Tulku Rinpoche that it was
an honor and a pleasure to be able to meet him and listen to
his talk and answers. I am sorry that I’ve missed him
the second time [having been transferred to another facility],
but I was glad that some new people had the chance to experience
what I did.
— JA,
serving 15 years in Michigan
____________________________
On the subject and topic of my drawings—again, thank
you for your beautiful thoughts. And truly, it warms me inside
that you found interest and pleasure
or happiness in checking them out. Yes! I especially like the collage of legs,
arms, tiger heads, eyes and Buddha serenely [sitting] at the heart center!
I was truly hoping it would draw that type of mental smile to people who absorbed
it. Gracias for your comments....
...The
other [drawing I did], His Holiness, the 17th [Karmapa], was
indeed different. You mentioned the word and concept ‘devotion’ (and
I should say energy also). I had never observed or felt it
from that point of knowing; but you are correct. At the time
of drawing and doing the image, I just felt energy moving and
doing, but had never really attempted (or was afraid to) associate
it with devotion. Does this ignorance make sense to you? Nevertheless,
thank you gassho for showing it to me through your energy and
practice of devotion (no doubt!).
— PE,
a Hispanic foreign national in solitary confinement
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I am Laotian and have been born and raised as a Buddhist believer, however,
as being a young generation, I have a lot to learn. I would like to start with
meditation practice....I’m familiar with meditation because of all the
years my family and I went to the temple....Though I am a Buddhist at heart,
I was diving for the worldly things....I’m in a 6’ x 11’ cell,
23 hours a day. I get a 15 minute shower and 45 minutes of exercise. You must
be wondering why? I’m not too troublesome (I didn’t look for arguments
or fights of any sort), but I’m charged with an escape charge. I may be
laying here for the next year or longer. Why I did what I did? Simple, I got
scared of being in prison for this long (12 1/2 years) and one day I just did
it....
Now I really enjoyed and learned a lot of insight on ‘not causing harm’ [from
The Wisdom of No Escape by Pema Chodron]. I’ve been known to be one-sided
and stubborn. And being ‘fast’, yes, that I am—I am going to
work on slowing down and taking a pause. That’s all I needed to do is
pause and not fill up the gap because it [feels empty]. The warrior scenario
made a lot of sense. Three words of wisdom I learned: stay awake, slow down,
and notice....
—LS
in California
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Do you like the drawing? I am feeling sort of sentimental—though the birds
have to go through wind, heat, cold, rain, storm or any type of turbulence,
they always succeed, but if they do not survive, they’ve given it the
best shot possible. I, in many ways, am similar, and I am still fighting the
odds. I think the toughest battle to fight is what we want to change of yesterday
so we won’t have to go through it twice. If I have learned anything in
life, I’ve learned that #1 crime does not pay, #2 family love, and #3
patience. It’s so simple, yet one doesn’t know oneself until we are
put to the test....
I
just wanted to let you know that you have enhanced my life
and I will be forever grateful for it. I wish you and your
family many blessings. You have been a true friend. Is there
anything I can do for you? Any particular drawing you would
like? Please let me know what you would like. You are a special
friend.
— AM,
female incarcerated in Colorado
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I spent so many years playing mind games with people....I
thought I was the clever one. Then one day my boss made a
comment: “You play too many mind
games with yourself.” Ever since he said that, I felt like someone kicked
me back about a mile to where I once more had to start over again. I used to
evaluate things, and prepare (because I wanted everything just right). The
further I went, the more complicated my life had gotten. By my being in the
hole [solitary], I have so much freedom. Life is funny. I’m confined but
I feel a lot more free than when I was in population. I prayed, I meditated...because
I felt like I had to have a belief, but at the same time, I was calculating
my profits that people owed me. I no longer have a desire to profit or make
more money. I pray and meditate because it feels so good. I am not expecting
anything or expecting to receive anything. It’s all so simple! What I
came to realize is that I am a good person in general. I do not place myself
above others, but I truly do have compassion for people. when I was younger,
I was always trying to prove that I’m tough. That’s what eventually
led me to the armed robbery. I never proved anything, I only fooled myself.
I still have a lot more to learn about myself, but I think as time progresses,
that will come naturally.
— BW
in Illinois
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